I feel like so much has happened since the year started and I don't know how to deal right now... It's scary to compare the girl I am today with the girl I was 4 months ago when I started university. I don't think I've become a better or worse person, but I definitely think I'm a lot more aware of the world now. Still, the road hasn't been easy, and I'm reluctant to say it, but I have some regrets.
I wish I had stayed more grounded instead of getting so caught up with events and going out. It's like a chain reaction and it all started with wanting- with needing, to forget how bad a particular situation made me feel.
"it used to be you that i like, but imma do what i like tonight...
...i just wanna have a good time, and keep you off my mind"
And the problem with going out at night just so you don't have to sit at home thinking, is that it only works for that time that you're out having fun. The moment you're back home, you're back at square one, and all you want to do is go out some more so you can avoid those thoughts all over again.
I remember when I first started uni, a friend told me to "make real friends, not popular friends" - now I dont even know if I've done that. I still find myself leaning on my high school friends- regarding them as my better friends when times are tough. And there's nothing wrong with that except that now, times have changed and they're no longer the people I see 5 days a week...
It's funny how sometimes you don't realise at the time, how wise those words are when they're said to you. And one day it just dawns on you that what you previously thought was just a bunch of empty words, are truly pearls of wisdom.
ONE MORE THING --
Another friend told me that if things weren't okay, that it was okay to just pretend they were. He said that one day, that pretending would become reality.
I think that day has finally come :)
but you... I wish I hadn't let you go so easily.. :(
i miss you.
