how i met your father (part 1)

Booo, I need to learn how to make categories on this thing! I guess I will figure it out after exams or something. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about the future lately.. maybe because I've been reading too much oldschool xx and watching too much 'How I Met Your Mother' hahah xD

Anyway this is the first part of "How I Met Your Father" LOL I'm so creative. But really, this is a document of all the assholes* I encounter before I meet the love of my life/father of my children :D

*Disclaimer: I'm only joking about you all being assholes, so if someone who I have mentioned happens to stumble across this one day, please don't take legal action. Remember there was a time where either I liked you or you liked me ! :D

Last night
It was quickly approaching 12:00AM and I wanted so badly to fall asleep, but lately I've developed a habit of staying up til 4:00AM :(
Actually no, as much as I would like to blame it on bad sleeping habits, I knew it wasn't that. It's that damn nagging feeling when there's so much useless stuff on your mind, and you just feel restless. It's soo annoying !
So I lay in bed staying at my phone, wondering who I should call if I felt like giving someone a huge dose of E-M-O. I finally replied to an sms from David, who I had been avoiding for about a week because he was being a stupid loser. And I even ended the message with "...are you still awake?" in a pathetic attempt to hint for him to call.
Since I couldn't blog, I wrote a "note" on my phone because I'm weird like that, but it only made me feel guilty about my ex, who we will call Joey:

**you don't need to read this part , because it's not so important, but whatever, I'll post it anwyay*

"I'd forgotten what it felt like to feel this way. The whole time, I never understood why you needed me to need you... because I had forgotten what it was like to be really vulnerable.

You always thought that it was because I didn't want to need you, and I'm sorry I didn't realise that earlier. I wasn't prepared to sacrifice, as I saw it, my independence for your ego, because I only ever saw it as you wanting me to be weak, and that's something I've never wanted for myself. But I don't regret anything that's happened, and while I believe in second chances, if I had another chance, I know I couldn't take it. Because even if I understand everything at this moment, I know myself well enough to know that I'll forget again, and it ultimately wouldn't chance anything. I wish you the best, and even if you never know that, it's okay because one day we will be strangers and my feelings will mean nothing to you.. *fast fwd* ..we're worlds apart in so many ways. I'm not one for 'collecting experiences' from relationships so casually, and if I could, I would like to experience that journey with only the one I spend the rest of my life with. I know that's something you never really understood, so I'm sorry if I hurt you in my being too careful."

Woahh so emo now that I look back on it =__=
I seriously thought about sending this to Joey, because somehow I still feel like I owe him an explanation. Ahh well it's not like the relationship ended badly... I think we both saw it coming. But the end came not as a piece of glass shattering (that's another story), but more like... when you decide that old dress just isn't 'you' anymore, and you give it away. You have a lot of memories with the dress, but you just can't see yourself wearing it in the future- you don't need it, so it might as well make someone else happy :)
Anyway, what bothers me is how calmly it ended ... it makes me feel like some things are still unresolved? In fact, we did get into an argument after we broke up, but there was no point fighting, since the relationship was already over. So we decided to "leave it as it is". And don't get me wrong, when I say "unresolved", I'm not talking about missing each other- I don't miss Joey, and I'm sure he doesn't miss me, but it still bugs me sometimes ... kind of like blue balls except with your heart/brain LOL hahaha such an inappropriate analogy ^^"
Anyway, I'm not bitter, and it worries me to wonder if Joey is, because he made it pretty clear that if I walked away, we wouldn't be friends anymore. But I console myself in thinking that he will forget me if he hasn't already, and then he won't be able to hate me hehe =]

What the heck, I don't even know why I care o__o I should just go talk to my new Dutch friend from Omegle LOL. And he's much taller too !

But in all seriousness, back to the person I finally replied too, David. So David didn't reply, but he's really slow sometimes with catching on, so I thought I'd give him another hint. Another message "hm, if you're there, i need to talk to you." should do it ~

.. no it didn't. Stupid retard didn't reply til 6:30 this morning saying he was sleeping last night and he would call me after work today. I know I'm being irrational, but stop judging me, because you don't understand our relationship dynamic. I'm allowed to be irrational and mean, okay? >__> Okay so I felt annoyed and I didn't feel like talking to him anyway, so I replied saying "dw, I'm good now." and NOW he wants to know what's wrong? HMM so maybe I didn't realise how irrational I sound until I type it all out, but I still don't want to talk to him, so there. And now I don't want to reply to his message again.

AHhhh when did I become so high maintainence? =__='

You know, I think one day I will read these posts and cringe at my stupidity, but right now I don't really care, so there :) In fact, I will just post this before I chicken out hehe